The Goings On of George Floyd

I'll preface this by saying I have 3 blogs, and haven't used this one in six years. But I wanted to make sure, for the people in the back, that they knew who I was and that no one was confused by my Way.Ward or Where the Drywall Ends blogs. This is Melanie A. Howard. I've written 10 books. I've written 9 books for children. I am white, chubby, and a disabled American due to Mental Illness. And I have things to say.

I grew up in a town that is probably quietly famous for its racism. It is a town of about 20,000 people. There were probably a grand total of 10 POC in my school, and only one black girl. The year before I started high school, the white supremacists in my high school threw a black boy out of the lunch room. I know this because the day I went to set up my locker with my dad the janitors were sitting outside on a smoke break and talking about the "coon" that was thrown out of lunch. My dad, a Minneapolis native, squeezed my hand so hard I thought it would break, and explained racism to me on the way home. I, of course, had learned of racism in school by that time as something that people marched about in the past, but in Minnesota, we were progressive and liberal and "nice" and didn't have such problems.

As far as I know, that poor black child had to leave school. Probably to save his life or his sanity or both. Black people simply didn't come to my town, or stay in my town. I was a child, so I didn't think anything of it, except when I saw actual black people every once in a blue moon and just stared. I think everyone just stared. As I became more aware of the quiet, rage-filled racism in my town, I began feeling very concerned when I saw black children playing. There are more of them now, which is good for my town but has to be horrific for them. I remember just at the cusp of my home town becoming more integrated that there were five adopted black children being sent to the school where my mother was a nurse and I frequented time to time, and I remember being angry. I was so angry because I knew they were going to be facing the full force of the most racist community in Minnesota, and didn't their parents know that?! Shouldn't they be taken somewhere safer? It's not fair that they have to be the poster children for integration in my town when they could have a better time somewhere else.

It never occurred to me that "somewhere else" didn't exist. I thought Minnesota had dumped all of its racists into one happy little town where they could talk about going "coon hunting" on the high school news channel, then laugh their way through an apology later. I was positively certain there was this Minnesota outside the borders of my town where black people were safe, and equal, and not stared at as though a wild turkey had wandered through a herd of hens.

My family started going to church in Minneapolis, a small, tight-knit church of many colors. This, I was certain, was the way the real world was. Except for a few outlying assholes, everyone was congenial, brought food to potlucks, sang and laughed loudly, held hands without wondering if the color would rub off, and created community where everyone was equal and nobody stared. When I left home for school at the U of M Twin Cities, I was certain this was how I was going to find the majority of the world.

I expected college was going to fix a lot of things - it didn't - but what surprised me most was that, while things were better for minorities, we weren't all one big happy family singing kumbaya. Everybody found a group, and stuck with that group. I found a group at the Loft Literary Center. At college, I was very much a loner (some things never change), but that gives one more time to observe. I took the bus from the U of M to my grandparents' house in South Minneapolis (yes, very close to the riots). I passed through a Somali community and a Hispanic community, then the area around Franklin that was a very poor community (mostly POC, I know, I should have told you to sit down first, I'm sure you fainted with surprise). All of these communities were in Minneapolis, and it wasn't as though they were integrated. I once had a social studies teacher who told us the United States isn't really the "melting pot" everyone says it is. It's a tossed salad, with different communities generally sticking with their own. It only occurred to me later that this was for safety from "us."

I saw "us" on one of those buses. I had evening courses, which I liked better because they believed in working Americans who didn't have time for extemporaneous fluff. The moment I stepped on the bus, I knew something was wrong. There was a young white man towards the middle of the bus just staring ahead of him, and a young black woman towards the back with her forehead pressed to the seat bar in front of her. It didn't take me long to find the problem. At the front of he bus, an Asian-American man was being harassed by a group of older teenage boys (white), asking him if he knew Jackie Chan and trying to incite him to talk back to them. It was the worst 45 minutes of my life, sitting there at the very back, wondering why the white man didn't do anything, wondering if the black girl needed a hug, enraged that the bus driver wasn't throwing these assholes off. I thought of going to the front and asking the Asian-American man to sit with me, but the boys were drunk and there were more of them than I thought could reasonably be handled if they decided to be unruly. I will forever regret not doing something anyway. I was completely unafraid when I actually got stabbed on a bus in Guatemala years later, but I was terrified of these white yahoos. The best I could get myself to do was to call them assholes as I disembarked the bus.

I've seen "us" in other places, but never like that. Mostly I see "us" unconsciously exercising our privilege. Even out of the country, I was a white American and that seemed to mean something, everywhere I went. I'm never afraid of the police. I doubt I will ever have to be. But the more I observe, the more I know I'm very lucky that way. But, I was sure, I was absolutely convinced, until a few days ago, that this was still Minnesota, and we still believed in Minnesota nice. I don't believe that anymore. I remember the children at my mother's school and think to myself that they probably weren't safe anywhere and might as well have gone to school in my home town. I will still hold my breath every time I see someone Somali walking through my home town because I am absolutely terrified for them, but I won't think they should go somewhere more "kind" and "understanding."

I think maybe this place only existed in my mind.

So, as Minneapolis is burning, I can only hope that it will cause change. Statewide change. Country-wide change. I don't care about looting or fire. I care that my nephew is half Filipino and someday he has to go to school. Lord help the school system that does not protect him, because I will not be silent anymore. To the George Floyd protesters, I see you. I can see you now. I am not blinded by the white any longer.

Fame and Fortune?

I used to wonder if being a writer would turn me into an egotistical monster.

My hometown library keeps me humble. Eleven books, not one if them are stocked by my hometown library.

I can't fault them too much, though. I didn't put my own books on the shelves with the "real" books in my own library until I moved.

Luckily, my transplant town shows me a lot more love.

In truth, most of the time I look down at checks from my publishers and think to myself - I can't believe someone actually pays me to do this.

I've never been recognized on the street. No one has ever come up to me except when I was sitting with a stack of books at a conference event or a book signing.

When I was a teenager, I was afraid to try publishing because I thought it would stop my life from being "normal." I can now say with complete confidence that being a writer does not automatically make a red carpet and paparazzi appear in your living room. You don't have to go grocery shopping with sunglasses. And even if you're at a party and you SAY you're an author, the vast majority of the time, no one will have heard of you. That's simply because, if you're not Stephen King, with the many books and diverse tastes in the general population, unless you're a social butterfly, the likelihood of you running into somebody who's read your book at a social gathering is pretty low.

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed about how much writing professionally *didn't* change my life.

So, am I worried that someday I'm going to turn my nose up at a McDonalds cheeseburger and be a general snooty asshat? No, not really. And I'm not hoping to be a person like that anytime in the future.

The Great 3 Year Gap!

Hello all.  Sorry for the long absence, I've been quite the busy bee.

If you look on amazon.com, you will see I am the proud author of several books for Capstone.

Psychic Tarot continues to sell at a steady pace.  I'm rather happy about that as I believe it's a book that will help a lot of people connect with Spirit.

More to follow, here's to a new blogging resolution!

-Mel

Doncha?

I just got done with my very first magazine interview with Nance. It was very pleasant. I was really excited to share about the book and its ideas, and isn't that just the way it should be? Nance and I were very in synch.

Thanks to my brother's fiance, Laurie, I did not look like a total shlep. I actually looked very nice. In fact, I will admit to rocking a little "Doncha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me" in my head. I haven't work make-up in a good... long... time. You'd have thought it was Christmas when I walked into Bare Essentials last weekend and said to the lovely attendant and make-up specialist: "I have two friends who really like your products. I haven't gotten new make-up in four years. Help!" I think I made her day. Unfortunately, when I got home, I was not so good at making the nifty purple crease design that she did. And then, as though a page had gone out on the psychic network, Laurie appeared at my door and fixed it.

I've decided the hardest part of writing is not the writing. It's not even finding the time to write or dealing with being blocked or burned out. It is publicity. If you're wondering where they real, roll up your sleeves, dig in, this is going to get messy part of writing comes in, it is in publicity. Calling bookstores. Getting nice clothes (if you, um, perhaps have become a bit too comfy with a jeans & cotton shirt wardrobe). Blogging. Being present in forums. Telling everyone you know your book is coming out. Planning. And scheduling. And deciding what events to go to and what not. Plugging the book E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. This, this is the real work.

Tomorrow, I read Tarot cards on a podcast with Dax of the Tarot Guild. Nance and I will both be there. I'm excited, and will post a link here once it's done. I am just... so... completely... blown away... by how little I knew about what is turning out to be the second-most important thing of writing a book. This is a good, if grueling, experience for me.

-Mel

Promotion Pooped!

I. Am. So Tired. Of Book Promotion. And it the book hasn't even been officially released yet!

Seriously, if anyone tells you writing is hard, ask them if they've ever published something they had to promote. Then ask them what the hardest part of being a writer is.

I am excited. But I am EXHAUSTED!

-Mel

It's Here!

Two copies of Psychic Tarot arrived at my house today! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!

-Mel

Signings & Marketing & More Stuff I Don't Have a Grasp Of

So, now I'm a writer. Okay, I've always been a writer and I've been published for some time now, but now I'm a writer with a book that actually requires more from me than - well - writing.

We will be doing a book signing at the Har Mar (February 8th) and hopefully at Eye of Horus (mad love to Eye of Horus!!! I love that store. February 20th, but not all worked out yet). There are also podcasts and classes and a party and my oh my oh my!

It's the moment I've prepared for, taken classes for, did 2 advanced graduate classes in college to make sure I was ready..........

....... in the world of fiction. Specifically in the world of Science Fiction and Fantasy. I am even reasonably prepared for a career in Romance. Nonfiction? *cricket chirp* And the more opportunities and situations and questions that keep popping up, the less I find out I know. Do I know any nonfiction reviewers, bloggers, podcasters, groups, websites? Not a one. Tarot? Some, but not nearly enough to be more helpful than Nancy, who has a strong footing in the Tarot world. I almost feel as though I've been caught with my pants down. Years, and years, and years of classes, beyond college, advanced college. And the first book I actually need to be involved in the promotion of turns out to be nonfiction.

Man plans. God laughs.

I honestly do find this funny. Inside, I am laughing my behind off at my own hubris. I was ready. I was totally ready. I was ready - for anything but this.

Oddly enough, when, and I do mean when, I publish my first novel, or even a handful of them, I can't say I will feel I have done something half as important as I feel I've done by being involved with Psychic Tarot. That's just God's honest truth. I enjoy writing novels. But a true fire of purpose, the idea that I could have helped change the face of something, perhaps even a small corner of the world? That's heavy.

Makes me wish I had put a little effort into researching the nonfiction market. But then, to every thing there is a purpose. Perhaps my first steps are meant to be uncertain. In any case, I am excited to learn.

-Mel

Busy New Year!

Er, I mean, Happy New Year!

Actually, "busy" is more apt. I have been quite fortunate this year on the writing front. Psychic Tarot comes out from Llewellyn this February 8th (Nance & I are working on book signing engagements, etc). For Capstone, I am in various stages of progress on four books for their Edge Books "Snakes" series:

Black Mambas - Should be going to a reviewer any minute now, and then I will see it in layout.

Boa Constrictors - I am in round 3 of edits.

Copperheads - Just delivered the first draft last week.

Corn Snakes - First draft due in January 15th.

I am very excited about all the books and feel blessed to be given the opportunity to write them.

And that's how things stand at my New Year. Hope 2011 is a fantastic year for everyone!

-Mel

Watch that Ball Roll!

As of Tuesday, I have two more projects for Capstone. Two more snake books! I'm excited, they are really neat animals to research.

I did a little count, and discovered that with the four snake books and the Tarot book, I am going to be published 5 times in 2011. Probably not a staggering number for someone like Stephen King, but I'm awed and grateful.

In other news, I've reluctantly decided to submit Once Bitten for the Golden Hearts award. I've decided I've gotten too much out of the habit of novel writing/submitting/looking for an agent, etc. I love the kids' books, and so far nonfiction has been very good to me, but I do like my big, long, epic stories. We'll see how Golden Hearts goes.

In other, other news, my wonderful teacher Lyda pointed me in the direction of her tax person. Apparently, I am now a small business, and need to start running this writing thing that way. That's almost more frightening than the Golden Hearts contest.

Still, I am excited to see what the future brings.

Here's hoping for more opportunities to come!

-Mel

Pre-Order, Anyone?

That's right, it's official. You can actually pre-order Psychic Tarot on Amazon.com (as well as Borders.com and Barnesandnoble.com and some websites I haven't even heard of .com and, of course, on www.llewellyn.com - right from the publisher), but there is just something so enchanting about seeing yourself on amazon.com. I dunno what it is. Oh wait, yes I do. It's that sometimes I have to go there just to remind myself hey-you're really a writer. That's your job.

Stock Cars is also out and looking fabulous! Capstone does such a nice job and I love doing the Hi-Lo books. I just think if one kid decides reading isn't so bad because there's a book out there that doesn't intimidate him/her or talk down to him/her, it could lead to so many other great big wonderful and imaginative worlds that they might just get up the courage to explore.

In other news, I am wrapping up Black Mambas and Boa Constrictors (which I am sure will also look so completely awesome!).

My Uncle Mick's book (that I was completely psyched he let me pre-read and help edit!) also just came out - Riding the White Line: Pedestrian Crossings. I think he ultimately envisions a three-book series, and I really can't wait. He met the neatest people on his charity rides, and I think it's such a lovely book. I just checked - and it's also available on Amazon.com!

The History of Hastings Family Service book will also be out soon (I'm helping with the editing a little). That one's also in its final stages, and is fascinating reading. I have mad deep respect to Chris Koop and Lew Linde for gathering all that information together and making it into a truly enjoyable read. I don't know how they plan to distribute it, but I really hope it does well. It's informative and uplifting and really reflects the giving spirit of our community.

In other, other news, I think some of you may recall that I used to be a novelist. I know, hard to remember back that far, huh? Well, I've finally decided to get off my duffer and work the contests/agents gamut again. As exciting and unexpected as the nonfiction market has been for me, I would like to try to get a novel published. Especially since I happen to have one or two done, taking up space on my laptop - like 35-year-old jobless children still living at home. That's really how it feels sometimes. You catch the file out of the corner of your eye while you're looking for something else, frown a little, and say, "Shouldn't you be working?"

To that end, the infamous Once Bitten is being submitted for the Golden Hearts award. I'm keeping an open mind. The vampire wave in adult fiction as crested, the tide has gone back out, that sea is dead, whatever you'd like to call it. But, I still have this novel loafing around, eating my Doritos and leaving the toilet seat up. Get a job, you lazy bum!

And, of course, I am still poking at the old projects and starting some new ones (which, I have discovered, I've been doing since I was, oh, ten. I have files and files of dot matrix printer paper filled with one- to five-page bits and pieces and odds and ends down in the basement. When I look at them, I either wonder what I was thinking or why I didn't continue).

I am just so excited about Psychic Tarot! I know it's going to be such a wonderful resource for so many people. It may be one of the most important projects I have ever or will ever be involved with and I am just still so happy Nancy asked me to do it with her.

I have to go look at Amazon.com again. :)

-Mel

Blog and Run!

Whew! Things have gotten a little hectic lately (I'm so busy I can't blog. Isn't that a bummer). I just wanted to drop in and say that Stock Cars is out in print and Psychic Tarot comes out this February. Nance and I are still deciding whether or not to make a promotional appearance at Readers Studio this coming year.

-Mel

And the Cover is...

Speaking of covers, I saw Amazon.com finally posted the cover for Stock Cars. I think it looks lovely.

Hope everyone is having a fantastic Father's Day! Happy Father's Day to my dad in Germany.

-Mel

It's a Bird! It's s Plane! It's Another Two Books!

I'm turning out to be quite the sporatic blogger, but don't think that means I've been idle! Quite the opposite. The more I blog, the more time I have on my hands.

Which is why this blog is going to be short, sweet, and to the point. I got another two books thrown my way from Capstone (about snakes, which I think is just delightful. They're fascinating creatures).

And, as you can see, the cover art is done for Psychic Tarot. I LOOOOVE it! I was told enough taking writing classes that as an author, you have no control over the cover, so don't get attached. So I tried very hard not to be attached, even braced myself for something I would hate, but would grit my teeth and smile over at book signings anyway. But this cover is just beautiful, and Nancy loves it, too, which is the important thing. I want this deck. I want this deck for my collecction.

Must be dashing off now, places to go, people to see, dishes to do when I get there!

-Mel

Acknowledgments, Bibliography, and Edits, Oh My!

Yesterday I met with Nance to work some on Psychic Tarot. We have a little bit more of an idea of the process for the book (because we asked). The cover art for Psychic Tarot is tentatively set to include imagery from either the Shadowscapes or Mystic Dreamer decks. We also need to come up with an Acknowledgments page as well as a bibliography, and we're going through the book one last time for edits before the copy and content editors start their go-round with it. I'm very excited to see what they come up with for the cover.

I'm home sick today (last night was all about the very not fun and several pages of Sudoku, sleep by 4:30 AM, and wake up at noon), and have taken the opportunity to work more on edits/suggestions for my Uncle Mick's book, Riding the White Line, which talks about the experiences and especially the people he met doing his several bike tours for charity.

I'll also be working some on Psychic Tarot and hopefully taking another nap here (did I happen to mention that last night was all about the not fun?).

Hope everyone's feeling a lot better than me!

-Mel

Laptop!

It's here! That's right, the beautiful, black, functional, bigger-than-our-livingroom-tv laptop is here! YAYAYAY!!! And Alan from Smartie Computers even managed to transfer my favorites from Explorer from the old laptop to the new one! YAYAAYAYAYAY!!!!

It's an HP Pavillion. I LOOOOVE it!!!!!

In other news, the "launch" meeting for Psychic Tarot (official title) was this last Tuesday. They have a cover concept that I am excited to see (they were going back and forth between two different Llewellyn/Lo Scarabeo decks), and as far as I know we're to have updates on the book back to them by May (which I can now work on because of the wonderful, wonderful laptop!).

No updates on Stock Cars yet. The first wave of the series (Full Throttle by Capstone) is on Amazon.com now. I'm sure Stock Cars will follow shortly with the 2nd wave.

I'm going to be teaching Creative Writing and Tarot (2 different classes) through Hastings Community Education starting this March. I'm very excited!

And, Shaula made her 50 by the 5th goal for the 2010 Hat Project!!! Way to go!!!

-Mel

Return of Psychic Tarot

I tell you, being an author gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "hurry up and wait." Psychic Tarot (and I'm getting the sense that's going to be its official name) came back last week with edits that need to be done by May (very few, which I am optimistically attributing to Nance and my wonderful readers' groups catching the mistakes and confusing bits before we sent it off). The changes are actually mostly cosmetic, such as the name.

As for the wait, I am still waiting for my laptop (technology hates me) which should be arriving either today or tomorrow. Stock Cars edits were done at the Hastings Public Library. I think I will give them a copy.

And, as to writing and taxes, my wonderful tax lady Margie told me that they recommend setting aside 30% of writing profit for tax purposes to be safe.

In other news, I've been accepted to teach Creative Writing and Tarot for Beginners (2 different classes) through Hastings Community Education. We at the Blessings and Breathing Center, LLC decided we'd make public education part of our mission.

Hope that laptop comes soon! Lots to do!!!

-Mel

Edits

Carrie said she liked my edits. I'm glad. I'm not sure if I see the layout again or not before it goes to press, but Stock Cars is definitely very close to being done.

No word yet on Tarot Within Sight, but I think its publish date is Spring 2011, so there are probably just a few people ahead of us in line.

Still no Pavillion. I seem to remember it taking about a month to get the Dell, but I'll check in at Smartie Computers anyway just to see what's going on (I think I'm now the crazy/hysterical lady with the red Dell who calls all the time. Just kidding, they're very understanding).

Tomorrow (or next week, depending), I get to go talk taxes with my CPA. Now that I get paid to write I need to *gulp!* figure out how much the FED wants from my labors! (For the uninitiated, publishers don't generally take taxes out of your payment/royalty checks. You have to try to figure out what to withhold on your own. I want to be ahead of the game. Royalties, which I will be making in 2011, can be especially tricky.)

In other news, Shaula's making all kinds of neat hats for the homeless! Check it out at the 2010 Hat Project (I think it might be linked to my blog somewhere).

-Mel

There and Back Again

I haven't posted in a while (mostly because there wasn't anything to post), but here is an update.

Last Thursday I got Stock Cars back in layout for final edits. I've added my 2 cents and sent it back to Carrie (who did a marvelous job with it, I must say!).

In other news, I am doing research on Graphic Novels for another possible Nance/Mel joint project.

The little red wonder finally died (limiting my internet access) over Christmas. My new HP Pavillion is coming in today. Smartie Computers is a GODSEND I recommend them to EVERYONE.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season. I know I did!

-Mel

Is This What "Empty Nest" Syndrome Feels Like?

I made some (hopefully final) changes to Stock Cars this weekend. Luckily, Carrie was able to find another consultant, so I got the manuscript back with comments about 12 hours after turning in Tarot Within Sight with Nance. Now, my frenzied writing quest appears to be over (or at least on hiatus until I get comments back on one or both of these babies). I feel strangely empty, and I wonder to myself, "Is this what 'empty nest' syndrome feels like?"

I've started working again on Thieves, which as of this year has spanned 10 years of my life. There are 367 pages of it written over a decade. A little over a hundred pages I already yanked and placed in a great big block at the end (because I didn't like it, it was immaturely written, it didn't go with the current direction I was taking the story, etc). I would say it is just over half finished. It's not Wheel of Time complicated, but it's close. When I finish it (and, much to my dismay, there seems to be a sequel in me), I'm going to move onto a different fantasy compilation that has spanned fifteen years of my life as of this year (though this one does not have much down on paper, a blessing and a curse. At twelve, I realized I did not yet have the skill or the maturity to attack the complex storyline that popped into my head).

I think I may just shelve Once Bitten. The vampire market is glutted and phasing out in favor of, of all things, ANGELS. I have absolutey no interest in a paranormal market that has taken an interest in ANGELS. Which also means it's time for me to hop to a new genre for my reading material. *sigh*

-Mel

Delivered!

And Tarot Within Sight is off with the editor. *HAPPY DANCE!!!* Nance and I really pulled it out this weekend, let me tell you.

Still no word on Stock Cars.

Onward and upward!

-Mel